The reality of a single dad

If everyone was forced to wear a T-shirt that begrudgingly boasted our relationship status ala Crimson Letter style, Greg Pierce’s would read: Divorced father of two. Single for seven and half years. However if allowed one caveat in this label hungry world, I would plaster So What? to the back of Greg’s shirt.

“The first misconception that comes to mind [about being single] is that all single people are miserable, lonely lost souls that live every day of their life looking for someone,” the 42-year-old said. “That just isn’t true in all cases. Not mine anyway.”

Greg is my first interviewee for “Let’s Talk.” He has been a resident of Houston for 18 years where he lives with his 13-year-old daughter Gabby. His oldest daughter Sara is 20 and out on her own. When asked if he would have done anything differently, he confidently said “no.”

“I’ve been pretty consistent in my life and I don’t think I could have done much else in the marriage to affect the outcome,” Greg said. “She determined that.”

His initial reaction to being divorced he said was a common one. One that begged disbelief — I can’t believe this is actually happening. Another misconception: it’s all the husband’s doing when a marriage falls apart.

“I think a divorced single can be unfairly judged as a lousy spouse, especially if you were the husband,” he said. “I think most people automatically assume that it was the husband’s fault, which is also not always true.”

That very confidence rang true through many of Greg’s responses to my questions. But another thread was a hint of uncertainty — the uncertainty of whether or not he misses being attached. There are those small moments we all grapple with that test our self-assurance of living a single life. Situations such as seeing loving couples being affectionate and also the lack of having a regular sexual monogamous relationship can sometimes waiver a single person’s feelings about not having a spouse. Greg is no different.

“I’m perfectly content spending my post-divorce time either with my daughter or completely alone. I love my solitude,” he said. “But there are times when I see a painfully beautiful girl and think if only and when I see a happy couple walking hand in hand, the reality of my life sinks in very, very fast and it does not feel good at all.”

The important thing to remember here is that those moments don’t need to be full chapters of our lives. Greg is an example of that and puts things in perspective by realizing that there are benefits to being single even though he has his times of doubt, as we all do.

“Being able to live your life and spend your time anyway you choose at anytime certainly has its advantages,” Greg said.

After all, being confidently and comfortably single is what Greg has been doing for a while now, which is something his daughters are aiming to change. He said they worry day and night about him being single.

“I appreciate their concern but they are worried about nothing. Lastly, they know better than to try and set me up with someone.”

Greg’s someone may come along one day but he isn’t one for worrying about that. He has his share of dating stories and I can only imagine those alone have been fodder for little lessons along the way. For example: never tick off a date that has a friend who is watcher of Ms. O, if you do, lie if the producers come knocking.

“A friend of a girl I was dating called the Oprah Winfrey show to complain that that I was ignoring her friend,” he said. “I got a call from a producer one morning and the next thing I knew I was on the Oprah Winfrey show talking about one night stands.”

No denying, Greg keeps a good sense of humor. And I don’t get the impression he is a one night stand kind of guy. In fact I’ll leave you with his one and only bit of advice to nibble on: never marry someone you met a bar.

If you are interested in doing an interview, please let me know and I’ll be more than happy to tell your story. Email me at artsyfartsyj at gmail dot com. Please keep in mind I have to have some connection to the real you! Either your real name or your blog link to somehow prove you exist!