A few weeks back I paid a visit to my ear, nose and throat doctor. It is Texas after all and I am always bound to have some kind of ailment. While I was in the freezing waiting room, I began to dose. Every so often I would pop open one eye and kind of look around to see who may have caught me jolting myself awake on occasion when I went too far into sleep. I noticed something as I did this little ritual — I was the only person in the room without a kid on my hip, on my lap or in a seat next to me acting up and hating life in the waiting room while throwing random toys around. First instinct: thank goodness. Second instinct:Why are there so many damn kids in here?
I found myself double checking where I was being that I had only seen this doctor one other time. Does he specialize in pediatrics or am I just not on the “birthin’ babies bandwagon.” Realizing that it must be the latter, I was quite fine not having a slobber machine with me. Don’t get me wrong, I love children. In fact I’m pretty great with kids. The place was filled with cute bundles of joy. And it was filled with the other kind — the ones that grow up and throw ADD fits in a corner while mom is saying, “You aren’t going to get to see Jimmy at tonight’s game if you don’t act right and finish your homework!”
I left the office after my appointment feeling free but weird at the same time. I’m 30. Am I supposed to have already been knocked up? Recently I had a conversation with a married friend. He is always saying, “Oh you say that now” when I say I don’t want children. I always want to say back to him, “No, I say it always. I don’t.”
And because I am so good with rug rats, I’m often asked, “Why don’t you want any?! You are so good with them.” I’m so good with them because at the end of the day, I don’t have to raise them. You do.
Funny how it’s easier to be “good” with kids when you don’t have them 24/7.
And since when does being good at something require that you must devote your life to it? That comment particularly bugs me because the surprise that always seems to accompany it suggests that the speaker believes anyone who doesn’t have kids must either be bad with kids or doesn’t like kids. I just don’t understand why it is so hard for people to grasp that yes, I like kids but no, I feel no compulsion whatsoever to give up my life in order to have one.
I could be fine with being a mother, I’m not sure. But I don’t want to ever be pregnant, this I know. The idea of pregnancy is horrifying to me. A giant parasite in my abdomen? My hormones going out of control? My hair falling out and my skin doing weird things and having to carry around all that extra weight and nausea and god knows what else for 9 months…and then…the birth! Ugh. I can barely look at pregnant women. People do not seem to understand this. Even my friends who have never had children always say “pregnancy is beautiful.” There’s nothing beautiful about it- it’s like when a bird poops on someone’s head and you tell them it’s good luck to make them feel better.
well don’t feel bad I’m 28 and i don’t have any kids and dont want any either i stay in Chicago
I know the feeling about kids. (I meant to write this ages ago, but alas, it’s one of the drawbacks of reading blog entries through Bloglines: I read, and forget to comment!)
Recently, I keep speaking to friends with kids and I tend to say “oh, you make me want to have kids!” but I realize once I’m alone that I’m kidding myself. I find the idea amusing, like I find the idea of me climbing Everest amusing… It’s ok as long as it remains an idea. But right now, at least, I just am not ready.
Maybe you’ll change your mind, but maybe you wont. I mean, just because you’re good with kids doesn’t mean you want your own. Everyone who can count doesn’t want to be an accountant damn it!
(question: why does my comment say it’s written by Angel? *sigh*)
no. it’s still you, insane. the one above it is angel, silly!
(feeling silly now…) Guess I wear my username all too well! ^_^
Jenice, I had my two sons over for a 4 day visit this past weekend. They are both single, one is 35, the other 33, one lives in a real nice burb in Fort Collins, the other has a penthouse in downtown Vegas. But through the weekend, I was reminded that since they never married, and having no kids, they are still kids. Yeah, they each have GF’s, many, at the same time even, but I swear i was watching two middle aged 30 year olds acting like they were 13 and 15. They are still fighting each other across the sofa, at the table, in the car, like they never grew up. I can see them at 60 like I will live long enough to see it, but they will be like that ADD kid in the waiting room. They are close to each other, they share lots, money, investments etc, but they are still as combative in mid 30′s as they were when they were 6, 12, 18, on and on.
Maybe they took much to heart when I told them as they were growing up that they would have kids JUST LIKE THEM!
LOL
Hi all I just felt like I needed to comment. I thought I was the only one that didn’t want kids ever. I thought this article was a fantastic read. I tell people all the time that no I don’t want kids and the replies I get are always “You will change your mind when you meet the right person” and it’s like no I won’t it has nothing to do with the person it’s to do with the money, giving up all of your free time, the sleepless nights etc etc I could go on.
Then they say to you “Kids are so rewarding” – That is by opinion, my boss has a 2 year old daughter and she is amusing at times but then again so are my pet rats.
It has always amazed me how that most people cannot accept if a person doesn’t feel the need to get in a relationship. What is so wrong in wanting to come home after a long day at work and not have to spend the whole night talking with your partner or being around them, heck some people just like spending time with their own thoughts.
I am only 20 and some of you may be thinking I am a bit young to have these opinions on life but I truly believe I will never change my ideas on it. When I was 10 and I started to see more and more people at school smoking I used to think I would never want to do that, 10 years on and have I tried a cigarette? No.
Thanks Paul!
I do understand where you are coming from because I get A LOT of that whole thing where people tell me that I will change my mind. Maybe I will but it would have to take some REAL convincing and the right situation for that to happen and even then…
But I will also say, 20 is kind of young. And my thoughts at 20 are nowhere near my thoughts today. Only difference is that at 20 I was on the tail-end of an engagement and that was, I can safely say, the only time I considered kids…seriously considered kids. Since then I have never felt the same way. You just never know.
OH, I loathe getting that “you’ll change your mind” comment. It’s so insulting. I also feel that it gets said more often to women than men, as if our “natural” baby-having tendencies are certain to kick in.
I was at the cafe writing one day and had to change tables because next to me were two women and their two respective children. Morgen, the little boy, kept doing improper table things; I knew this because even through my headphones I could hear “MORGEN! Stop that.” (pause for thirty seconds). “MORGEN! Stop pushing that.” (pause) “MORGEN! Put that down!” (pause) “MORGEN! PUT THAT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH!” I changed tables, trying not to look like I hate children, which I don’t! (Even though, as we all know, if you can physically have children and don’t, it must be because you don’t like kids, right?)
CC
I don’t have kids, and it is not that I don’t want them it is because I have not found the right man. I am not going to have kids and end up being divorced. I just finished nursing school after a career change and would like to be able to travel and have a bit of fun, and finish graduate school. Who is going to stay up all night when they are sick? Not the men I have dated, who expect me to cook, clean and on top of that put kids in day care. Not a chance, if I am having kids there better be emotional and financial stability on both sides. Once that kid is born it is there forever and you had better have it together 100 percent. Besides that, you have a marriage to keep together. I think a lot people just start having kids without thinking about responsibility. I personally am very selfish now in my life and would not be a good mother. Plus all my friends who had kids except for one a divorced. Big surprise.