One great thing about being single is not having to worry about all the relationship questions couples have to worry about. All of those restrictions of freedom, the constant compromise, the worries about trust — singles don’t have those issues. More to the point our issues are different like, “I just got invited to so and so’s party, and I need a date. Hum…” There are so many advantages to being single but some things can be inconvenient. Namely the worse being, as I stated in an earlier post, is who to trust with your loins!
But what happens when it seems that you may be getting involved again? I don’t necessarily believe that my discovery of “the new relationship” is a direct result of bitterness. Maybe at first (I will readily admit!) but that is not what it has evolved into. I will say that because of the repeat offenders to my reluctantly trusting heart, I have continued to be gun-shy. When someone comes along –again– wanting to be in my life, I am apprehensive. The difference now is that I’ve realized that I’m fine alone, which only pushes me to risk a potential relationship again. Because of my “single being the new relationship” discovery, I hope to handle things if they don’t go my way, which wasn’t always the case before.
Just because I know that life is simpler being alone, I’m not going to lie to you all and say single for life is something I want. Single being the new relationship is about being OK with oneness. So much so that when a relationship pops up, you are ready to be alone again if things go wrong. That may not seem very romantic or optimistic, but if you dissect the idea, it really is. The optimism is looking forward to getting back to YOU if/when relationships don’t work out. Too many times I’ve let myself cry in a pillow. You can cry. But stop after a day or so. Understanding single has so many benefits can guard you from pain later. And if you have the attitude of not making that person in your life the solution to anything and see he or she as an asset to your life instead of a completion, I believe the trust and relationship can be stronger.
That said taking the risk of coupledom is feasible, prepared and overall better because you know that you were a whole person before the opportunity of relationships comes knocking.
Amen to that, sister!
This is a complete breath of fresh air. For so long I have decrying to people that they should be happy on their own two feet, and not rely on someone else. In fact, being happy on your own will make (in my opinion) any future relationships better. Mostly the response people give me is “I agree,” but I can tell they don’t truly get it. You seem to ACTUALLY get it. Thank you!
Thanks so much Catherinette and Jarod!
And welcome to my blog.
I like what you said Jarod. It took me a while to see things like this. And I’m really happy that I finally did. It makes dating a lot easier these days! Stop by again!
Interesting blog! A few years ago, I felt a lot of distress, in a way, about being single. It was worst around the age of 32-33….. a sense of surprise, in a way, that no-one had snapped me up or that I hadn’t met someone amazing (or recognised them as that)… a sense of panic, of time running out (thank you media for constant attention to that)… but meanwhile got on with life and work, and did my best not to worry about it.Now I’m 37 and I have found this wonderful kind of calm about it all. There have been other relationships in the interim, but as it turns out, they didn’t work out. One thing that really gave perspective was the realisation that one of the worst things about being single (and unhappy about it) was that you don’t know how long it will last for. It feels like it could forever! If someone told you it would last for, say, 3 years, at which point you’d meet someone amazing who would blow you away, you’d probably go, yippee, I can wait that long no problem, just hang loose and enjoy yourself until that person comes along, right? That’s what I thought, so I decided to give myself an end-date, in my head. It doesn’t matter that I have made it up (I have put it quite a long way into the future so that it is harder to get anxious about it). These days I keep making life decisions and choices that are about being happy – doing the things that give me energy and happiness, hanging out with good people… trying to live a good life. I still have an eye on my end-date (when this amazing person is turning up)…. kind of… It seems less of a must-have now. I plan to be happy either way.
Just stopping by from Mistress M’s blog…
I 100% agree- I’ve found myself more than once reluctant top embark on something new because I’m so comfortable on my own, but at least then I know that if I take the risk and it doesn’t work out, I’ll ne OK afterwards.
Hello, I found you through a link on Misstress M’s page. You are totallly amazing!! I am now becoming a regular reader of your blog. I ‘m not sure what I can put into this little box that tells you I think your blog is awesome and it is about time that somone in the world defends being single!! Yes I am in a relationship, atm.. but it has taken me years of being single and dating hell to finally realize that I can be single and happy!! if that is what I choose to do =)
Welcome Musicwork, Princess and Maria! I’m going to have to do something amazing for Miss M. for her very kind plug!
I’m happy that you all can relate to this idea. And thanks for all the nice words! I want to really point out what Music said. Setting a date for yourself is a good way to get past the anxiety of wondering when you will no longer be single. But knowing you can bounce back into the single life if you have to is comforting. And like I said, it wasn’t an easy discovery, but I’m happy that I worked my way to being OK–with oneness!
To start off I would just like to say that I have experienced deep feelings for someone when I was young man, 24/25 and I learned that chemistry between two people is something that is not available everywhere… it’s something that you are lucky to find…
I have now been single for 8 years and I have had the best experiences over anyone I know. If I had been in a relationship throughout any of that time I would never have done the amazing things I did… I have travelled the world, I have had businesses and I have properties in various locations… I have worked harder, played harder and taken every opportunity that came my way.
But in all of that time, I have always thought of the day that I would meet someone special… because no-one came along that I had chemistry with I lived this single life…
I have recently found that person, she makes me feel amazing when I am with her… I am mature about the way I feel for her but I have come to realise one thing. The feeling of love is the strongest and most amazing feeling that a human being can obtain… No matter what you do in life, no matter what you see, eat and or touch… it can never be as good as the real feeling of love and affection from someone who have a connection with… take it from me I have done most nearly everything else.
Who knows what will happen in the future, and yes it is easy to be single again… but when you do find it… you gotta give 100% because it doesn’t come along everyday and for some people they never get lucky enough to have a true connection with someone…
point well taken, ramon.
and hopefully we can all be lucky enough to find that.
i think the important thing to keep in mind is that even though such love can exist, it doesn’t always last…and in that case we should always be prepared to bounce back and start again–if that lightening strikes twice.
I really needed to hear that line, “though such love can exist, it doesn’t always last”…. I want to be in a place where I am so okay with myself that such love can come and then go and I don’t feel like most of me is leaving with it! Lightning has definitely struck twice for me…. and both times, it ended. I feel torn between trying to believe that it’s okay, lightning keeps striking, and trying to believe that it doesn’t matter if it never does again. Right now I don’t really believe either! Then again, the last ending is still kind of fresh. Anyway I am really glad I stumbled on this blog.
Thanks for stopping by Kris. I feel you. Though I’m at a point where I believe lightning may (probably) never strike for me again. And I have to find a way to be OK with that. But until my days are done, I’m going to amuse myself so that sometimes means putting yourself back in the game!